Though not the most popular location for a joke to occur (I think that dubious title belongs to a bar – after all, how many jokes have you heard that start with “Three men go into a bar…??”), a cemetery does inspire humorous jokes. Here are my Top 5:
#5. Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy Cow, mister”, one of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death. .. we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!”, the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
#4. A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?” The woman replied, “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.” “What happened to him?” The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.” She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?” The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.” A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women. “Can I borrow the dog?” “Get in line!”
#3. Your momma is so ugly, when she walked through the cemetery two men came after her with shovels.
#2. Did you hear about the plane that crashed in the cemetery? Search and rescue workers have recovered 100 bodies and expect that number to climb as digging continues.
And my top cemetery joke, an oldie but goodie, is:
#1. The cemetery up the hill is really popular. People are dying to get in.
HA HA HA! Funny, no? To me, anyway:)