Top 5 Cemetery Jokes


Though not the most popular location for a joke to occur (I think that dubious title belongs to a bar – after all, how many jokes have you heard that start with “Three men go into a bar…??”), a cemetery does inspire humorous jokes. Here are my Top 5:

#5. Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut  through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they  were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.  Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping  away at one of the headstones.
“Holy Cow, mister”, one of them said after  catching his breath. “You scared us half to death. .. we thought you were a  ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!”, the  old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

#4. A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most  unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse  followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the  second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her  were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She  respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for  your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a  funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?” The woman replied, “Well, that first  hearse is for my husband.” “What happened to him?” The woman replied, “My dog  attacked and killed him.” She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second  hearse?” The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my  husband when the dog turned on her.” A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence  passed between the two women. “Can I borrow the dog?” “Get in line!”

#3. Your momma is so ugly, when she walked through the cemetery two men  came after her with shovels.

#2. Did you hear about the plane that crashed in the cemetery? Search and rescue workers have recovered 100 bodies and expect that number to climb as digging continues.

And my top cemetery joke, an oldie but goodie, is:

#1. The cemetery up the hill is really popular. People are dying to get in.

HA HA HA! Funny, no? To me, anyway:)


source for jokes 2-5:

7 comments on “Top 5 Cemetery Jokes

  1. Debe Branning says:

    Don’t forget the Historical Walk in PHX’s early cemeteries is Saturday OCT 22, 2011 at 11am…….we are featuring the spirits of the underworld. 8 re enactment players will tell the stories of the Madam, saloon girls, bartenders and gamblers!
    1317 W Jefferson Streets PHX BE THERE!

  2. laurahelltm says:

    Hahaha I like joke #2 & #1 is an oldie but goodie. It might not be the most elaborate joke but I’m more into one-liners than jokes that are more of a story than a joke..Thanks for posting these 😉

  3. Tonia Lenza says:

    I love cemetery jokes at least I’m not board to death

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